THE HIT LIST

Author’s Note: The New Orleans Saints have been placed in a precarious state of affairs after the NFL discovered former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and its defensive players partook in paying each other in a bounty system to knock out players from the opposing offense. I have been able to obtain the list of payouts for the deeply troubled organization. Listed below is just a sample of the 12,000 game scenarios and their subsequent payoffs. Please note this article is completely satire. Photo Via Overoll.com 1. Hit an opposing wide receiver so ruthlessly that the game announcer forgets to mention Hurricane Katrina the requisite 48 times per quarter: $2,500 2. Crash into an opponent’s running back so severely that even the Carcass of Zombie Joe Buck actually shows something resembling human emotion: $1,000 3. Beat up the opposing quarterback so hard Brett Favre unretires, re-retires, starts throwing passes to those damn high school kids, then holds a press co...